When you fracture your toe…

 This one is in complete compliance of Abha Deshkar’s request.

What does a person do when he fractures his toe while playing football on Juhu beach at approx. 0945hrs in the morning? And he has to reach Dadar?

Goes home straight or  to a doctor.Probably in a Taxi.Right?

Wrong.

What I did was completely different 🙂

The first thing I did after getting hurt was to tell the Goalkeeper, “Aye mein thoda time keeping karta hu, tu defend kar. Pair mein laga hain jara sa”

Then I tried to run.My swollen toe wobbled like jelly.

I tried to walk. I hobbled.

Then the opponent took a shot at goal. I kicked it back with my injured leg. I saw stars in the day!

Being a fracture virgin, I did not know it was a fracture and I hoped it wasn’t one! But unknowingly, I had lost my fracture virginity!

I then decided to sit out. Some guys playing on the beach saw that The Star Defender (Read: Me) was injured and they grabbed this opportunity and setup a match thinking they could defeat us easily.So, I sat out with other substitutes and through the pain,indulged in ‘praising’ our players and in particular ‘praising’ one right winger more than the others! (We won the match though!)

A normal person would have gone to the doctor.But being the abnormal person that I am, I sat there and tried to stretch, bend and do something so that my toe would right itself and I could play again.Then after the match got over, played in the waves . If that was not enough we all went and had refreshing Sugarcane juice and then proceeded to Santacruz station. To top it off, one of my friends asked me, “ Aye Omelet paav khaneka hai kya?”.Ever hungry that I am, I agreed and after finishing off one moderately moderate Omelette paav entered the crowded station.

Suddenly, I realized that it was Office time and the trains would be packed. I just hoped that Mamta Didi would send an empty train for me and get me home safely. Otherwise, if someone stepped on my toes in the train…

As I said bye to my friends, one Churchgate slow entered the station, bursting with people. I was like, “How the hell am I going to get into that train? Or into any train for that matter?”

But then I spotted and Andheri slow expected on the last platform and hobbled towards it. As soon as I climbed the bridge, the train rumbled into the station.Shit! Now I was going to have to run which I could not clearly and I could not afford to miss this train!!

Hobble.Hobble.Hobble. I limped fast towards the train.

Through the pain, I managed to board the train and to my delight found it empty. I found myself a nice window seat. As the breeze touched my face, I smiled. I had gotten a window seat and an empty train that would take me all the way to Dadar and drop me safely! How clever of me! 🙂 Soon my eyes closed and I drifted into a peaceful slumber. Peace & Calm surrounded me.

Suddenly my eyes opened and I saw Khar station pass by.And then the train started climbing the Harbour Line Bridge! I was confused, my thoughts shrouded in the mists of slumber. But as the harsh sunlight of reality tore through the mist and jolted me back to reality I understood I had in my hurry taken a harbour line train which would not, no matter how much I bribe the motorman, go to Dadar! I had to get down at Bandra!

Now I understood why I was the only ‘Clever One’ on Santacruz station!

I hurriedly got up and limped to the door to get down at Bandra. The train stops at Bandra but it seems a 50 yr old fatso uncle is in a hurry to get in. He started getting in without letting me get down! And all the time I was limping and putting my weight on my left leg!

First the pain, then the foolish act of boarding a Harbour train and this fat uncle! This pissed me off! I decided to put my foot down 😉 With all my might I pushed fatso out of the train with me! And then if that was not enough, I turned around and pushed him inside, “Ghai tha na tereko? Chad abhi saale Mote!!”

An uncle next to me on the platform consoled me and offered his sympathies, “ Koi baat nahi beta, Chad gaya woh, Ho gaya!”

Just then I got a call from my friend and I told him my situation. “Abbe taxi leke ghar ja na!” But being the miser that I am I said to him, “Train me agar gardi rahega to jata hu taxi se.First let me see!”

I limped to the platform and the Churchgate slow rumbled in. It was crowded by default. However, as they say there is a soothing ray of light at the end of each tunnel. In this case, it was an almost empty luggage compartment! As fast as I could I hobbled towards the compartment and I got in. I found a few women and a lot of men inside the compartment. I also found a seat and sat on it. Finally, I was going to get home without anyone trampling on my twinkle toes!

The train stopped at Mahim and two lady constables got in. Must be taking a free ride, I thought. The lady next to me was a magician I think, because she sensed my confusion and decided this was the moment to drop the bomb on me, “ Ye ladies luggage dabba hai!” and I swear I could hear her witch-like high pitched cackle which she was laughing in her mind,ofcourse!

One of the constables announced,  “Sab Gents log apna apna ticket bahar nikal ke khade ho jayenge” and then called Matunga Station for back-up. Booch lagli!!

Fortunately, they did not notice me.

Matunga station came and the constables with their ‘catch’ started alighting without noticing me and I smiled to myself. But my smile was short-lived as an old hag sitting on the bench opposite me shouts, “Aye, tu bhi utar!” I reckon she had more teeth than grey cells in her head. I hesitated and she chose this moment to point at me and shout loud enough to get the attention of the lady constables, “Chal Utar! Tu utarta kyu nahi!”

I had a smile on my face and a pleading look in my eyes but in my mind I was giving her the choicest of ‘compliments’ equating her to the female version of man’s best friend.

All thanks to this witch, the lady constable spotted me, “ Aye ha bagh, aankhi ek aahe!”

As much as every guy wants females to take notice of him, I bet this is one situation in which no guy would desire female attention! She grabs my shoulder and I am so pissed off at the old hag that I feel like punching her in the face. Helpless, I get down with the constable on the platform.

Someone has rightly said, All the world’s problems are caused due to women! 😛

“Aye ha bagh, ajun ek lapun basla hota” ,she tells her colleagues. As I was wondering how to plead my case about being the proud owner of a fracture and how it forced me to board this coach, the other constable said, “ Aga kay karu tyacha? Pakadlele sagle palun gele!”

“Mag hyacha kay karu?”

“Jau de tyala pan, aata kay karnar!”

I limped as fast as I could before they could change their minds and got into a crowded compartment at last which engulfed me like an amoeba. Miraculously, no one in the crowd stepped on my foot but like a precious parcel was transported onto the Dadar platform by the crowd.

As I hobbled on my way to catch a taxi, I remembered my leg was aching in the morning and my Mom had told me, “Don’t go today to play if your leg is hurt!” and I like a Mr. Know-it-all told my mother confidently, “ Don’t you worry! If it pains, I won’t play!” Look now, what happened! Mother knows best!

And after I remembered the only thought in my mind was, “Not a word of this to Mom if you want to stay alive! Not a word!” 😀

Cheers,

Pranjal Wagh

This work by Pranjal A. Wagh is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License